Tenebrous' 5 Word Stories - Number 4

See the original Plurk conversation here!

Many thanks to: Tenebrous, spiderkitten, michaelcela, jjacek, MadameMaracas, CoyotePace, Eladrienne, JustJ3nn, JessykaRichard, artoudeetou, rachael823, DaleInnis, kurtvan, LyndzayM, RedRoseRattus, Damien_Fate, (and me!).

The sea was rough, and
rolling with a big, scary
rubber ducky floating on top
that squeaked with glee, happy
that Glee was joining him.

Glee waved from his sailboat,
pulling the tiller to align
the warp core vertically with
the nacelles, to ensure that
his exit would be precisely
timed to coincide with the
entropic failure of the singularity.

If his timing was off
the entire vessel would be
converted instantaneously into a hedgehog,
which would be a disaster,
since a hedgie's bitty paws
get cold when they're wet, making them cuter, but less
effective sprinters. Luckily, Glee's timing
was perfect, and the sailboat
....which was actually a sailBOAT
that transforms into a robot
was able to travel from
the event horizon off into
the Delta quadrant, quite speedily.

Luckily, the SailBoat could also
make coffee and tea but
not at the same time.
In space, no one drinks
urine, but why would they?

'Golden showers' are difficult without
gravity as it becomes random
and can be quite a nuisance.
So the "sailbot" turned and
turned, making a giant whirlpool,
generating a gravity well that
sucked in all the katamari balls
that had collected nearby planets.

"Reverse the polarity!" cried the
man with two left shoes
as he limped about the
cabin in a polka step,
his flouncy skirt bouncing about.

The chief engineer flipped the
switch; time to get serious.

In his clown wig and shoes,
A deep rumbling thrummm noise
alerted him to a digestion
problem in his "lower decks".

By "lower decks", we mean
the ship's large and rather rotund
buttocks, or rather, bot-tocks. He
grabbed the ship's key and
forced it longingly into the
ambiguously sexually-suggestive key slot
with a sigh of relief.

The console sighed with satisfaction
while the captain turned the
knobs upstairs attentively. The temperature
actually fell; everyone had deserted
and humidity started to rise
after they had their desserts
which consisted of runny custard
and funny mustard. It tasted
of custardly mustard, an acquired
recipe stolen from a group
of robotic cooks, renowned for
their lack of taste sensors.

Meanwhile, on the lower decks,
the containment field was leaking
a strange pink concoction, seen
dribbling slowly from between the
secondary engine core and the
large inflatable sheep. It was
trickling nonchalantly across the floor
like a sinuous, luminous trail
leading towards the ship's cat,
Flibble, who was currently under
a giant pile of underpants
left there by the melon
keepers son, who recently had
a bad case of gonorrhoea
which he caught from Annie
Lennox at a recent musical
recital on board the HMS
Glee, coincidentally his owner's name.

The night was closing in...
But in space, it's always
quiet; no-one hears you plurk.

Having a case of space
Plurk addiction is very serious
and difficult to cure, however
bananas have been known to
heal the lesion but also
make your skin break out
in large, yellow, fluffy pickled
in fuschia boils with black
centres that smell of cheese.

When lanced, small moths emerge
which tend to clutter spaceships
exhausts. This causes problems with
emissions testing, huge moth nets
tear easily when subjected to
large flocks of moths. Suddenly
out of the closet, came
Jim Carry, and he said
here is your money back
for watching my horrible movies
apart from Truman Show which
is pretty decent. Jim then
pulled a trademark face and
in a dorky voice, proclaimed
his ass was now speaking,
he bent over and clenched
both buttocks, asking "Anyone have
a breath mint? I am
full of garlicy saucy goodness!”

Glee shook his head, feeling
faint, overcome by Jim's fumes.

He'd been hallucinating, imagining he
woke up in a very
long winded 5 word story.

This story haunted his dreams,
pervading into his very being,
oozing orange goo out his
nozzle. He tried ferverantly to
unscrew the implement, however it
snapped off in his hand,
causing him to exclaim, "Bunny -
rabbit smell bad!" To this
Glee replied, no, Hare balls!